My sleeping pattern is a mess.
And I have a love-hate relationship with the person I'm becoming. More easygoing, joyful, random, rebellious and exciting but too much fun also makes me much lazier.
I vow to clear the mounting pile of undone work this weekend but as for now, sleep comes first.
What don't you know? sighs. It is killing me!
I read somewhere: never regret doing something that made you smile. How true, indeed. And in the midst of all my self-doubts and occassional bouts of loneliness, I find plenty of reasons to smile and laugh.
Lifelong friends or not, they are honestly godsend.
Listening to: Heaven is the Face (Steven Curtis Chapman)
A series of unfortunate events (no pun intended) happened today. It made me so frustrated that I could not do anything to alleviate the situation. No one was in the apartment and suddenly, I felt so alone. I wished and wished that I had went home to Ipoh or went out to The Mines with my roommate instead. I decided to just sleep the afternoon away to escape all the worries. At night, again, I felt so depressed and defeated (yes, that's the word), after stumbling upon some really discouraging websites, that I just want to cry. It was like everything has gone wrong and I could not undo anything. My roommate had yet to return and I ate my dinner in the company of 'Aladdin'. Pathetic. I'm feeling much better now, after chatting with Ridhwan and ZH and finally having found a passion which I can expound on for my application essay.
This was such a contrast to yesterday night when we (KB, ZH, my housemate, Sally and I) randomly went for a late night movie. (All arrangements and plans were made within ten minutes.) I remembered how every little thing seemed so hilarious to me and I could not stop laughing at every single remark anyone made. Perhaps it's because it was already 1am and I was feeling a little 'light-headed'. That's one of the plus point of studying in college. You can choose not to be constrained by rules and no one can stop you. You can appear in class an hour later than the supposed time the next morning (which was what I did) and still get away with it, if the lecturer is kind enough. In high school, there are school rules, teachers and expectations that come with being a prefect. Freedom comes with a price, of course. I had meant to do a write-up on the main differences between high school and college life but never found the time. Probably next time.
Oh, and bringing phones and mp3s to class seriously doesn't affect lessons much, if the student is responsible enough. I know of people who used their phones to check answers during quizzes and laptops to watch movies during lessons but it's all harmless fun.
Back to my essay and I need a good talk with my parents.
College applications. Essays. Self-reflection and contemplations. Expressing inner voice. Forte? Maybe. Extra-curricular activities. Doubts. Comparison with peers. Admission statistics. More doubts (and hopelessness). SAT Subject Test scores. Anxiety. Worried (and not unduly). TOEFL score. Shrugs. Too exhausted to care. Deadlines. Chasing. Ivies or Ivy-standards. Talents. Crème de la crème. Loss of confidence. Chicago. Gone wrong. Need to patch up holes in application. Comfort? Essays. Interview? No comments. I surrender ALL to Him. So distant though.
New semester. Higher expectations of self. Different environment, subjects, people. Adapting. Slacking. More time for sports, crazy random stuff. And reading. Life changing. Tastes for food, clothing. Music, revamped playlist. Books, new genre. Economics. Still blur but coping. Career choice so far from intended major. Weird. Shrugs. Kinda miss SAT a little. Lame I know.
Lunch beckons.
ps.those who really knows me will understand what i'm thinking now.
I love colourful stuffs! so many things for sale but no time to examine them all. :(
On our way to the theme park.
Colourful ‘windmills’! I have one facing my window now and I love watching it turn when the wind blows.
KB’s cornflakes with hot coffee. If you think that’s ugghh, billy usually has his coffee with raw egg inside.
In front of the ‘French Village’ in first-world. The place was really pretty. ahhh, why is the pic so blur? 
KB’s lame idea of covering our faces in the photo. This is everyone who went, 7 people altogether.
From left: nicholas, iqbal, KB, ZH, ridhwan, me and ML
These people are my closer friends here. The trip was a blast although we didn’t really get on all the rides. Highlight of the trip: go-karting under the rain! It’s like having rain splashed on your face and wetting your legs, and the chilly wind just rushing across your cheeks, while you keep pressing on the accelerator and just go faster faster faster. It lasted for only a few minutes though. I even beat KB and ZH at it. :)
The pics took forever to upload. I’ll post more pics of my classmates and the ‘farewell’ party we had during our last TOEFL class once I get hold of them.
Call me sadistic, but ant-killing sprees make me happy.
And call me weird, but buying really pretty-looking shoes and headbands for newborns makes me excited.
Despair vs Bliss.
Today (11/07/09) is mixture of both extremes. I sat for my SAT2 on Sat. (haha, repetition of S-A-T is to place emphasis on the exam.) Sorry, overload of Literature. Back to my point. I think I flunked my exam =( Started with Literature, which was really difficult considering there are 60 questions in 60 minutes, and you're actually left with very little time to think and dissect the passages/poems. The fact that I had no Literature background in high school and only decided to take the test two weeks before makes it worse. Ok, it was bad, but not VERY bad although the level is a little harder than predicted. I didn't expect a near-perfect score for Lit so I'm kinda blahhh about this.
The worst subject was Maths! Maths was the subject I had the most confidence in, and was aiming for a near-perfect score. I sat down, started doing the questions and was going quite well until… The woman announced that there were 20 minuted left (it is a 1-hour test with 50 questions). I just started worrying about the time and couldn't concentrate. I knew the test was not VERY hard, yet I couldn't do it. Even the easier questions felt hard to me. I worried even more when some of the answers I found were not in the answer choices. There was a question which I didn't know how to do; right after I passed up my paper, I remembered the solution. =( It was depressing. Chemistry, the subject I most worried about, ironically, was manageable.
All I can do know is pray and hope that each subject's score will at least start with a 7.
Bliss. My friends and I made a last-minute decision to go to Sunway after the exam. It was fun! We went for lunch at TGI Friday's, and was blown off by the ahem price of the food (I don't know whose lame suggestion was that). We (they, actually) did a very kiam-sap thing; all of them shared only one soft drink, and kept on asking for refills. We then went to the arcade, and played a a few irrationally-priced yet 'addictive' and crazy games; wanted to try archery but only one got to have a go; bowling was =.=". Notice how I missed out 'shopping'. There's a stark contrast between going out with a group of guys and a group of girls here. With girls, all you do is shop, entering every single shop and looking at their clothes. With guys, you get no time to shop; I just don't understand their obsession with bowling and arcade games. Their only overlap: the cinema (and the bookstore).
Speaking of which, I finally have time for my books!(even though TOEFL is on this Sat, I'm just too tired to care about yet another exam) I don't think I'll have enough time to rest during these few weekends. Just went out today, going out to meet my parents tomorrow and going to Genting with my friends on Monday. wheeee… Genting was an abrupt decision, too. But to pay less than RM50 for the transportation (to and fro), cable car and theme park tickets is truly a bargain. I just hope the package is still available. =) haha, nope, we have not gotten the tickets yet. And next Sat, after TOEFL, we'll most probably go to the nearest shopping mall again because it's finally over! Somewhere between next Sun and the next week, I'll have to schedule my interview with the UoC alumni somewhere. The interview is optional and I didn't know what drove me to request an interview. (I know, which nutcase will request for an interview, right?) Err, I think I wrote about that in my previous entry but oh, well, I think I'll enjoy it.
After weeks of being cooped up in my room every weekend, I finally get to do exciting stuffs, like genting and the interview. =) I like weekends packed with activities; eventually I end up exahusted but so fulfilled. I'm so glad I finally have time to create memories outside my room, or 'tempurung' as my friends call it.
Just when I was wondering about my seemingly pointless existence in the midst of the pre-SAT stress, surprises come along to bright me up. Life is not that depresing after all. =) (This is what my optimistic self is feeling right now; don't blame me if I contradict myself in some other entries, that might just be my more pessimistic self speaking.)
PS. I'm becoming a KTM/LRT expert. Not bad for one who only started using public transport a few months ago.
